Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
