don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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