I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
