Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
