i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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