What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
