no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
is wine microwaveable?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
