I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
