As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
