you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
