so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
