evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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