when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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