I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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