You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
