God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
