I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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