I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
