even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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