btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
