i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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