dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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