Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
we're so committed to being not committed
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
