you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
