No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
