just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
