I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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