that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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