You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
