I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
