So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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