He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ok first of all what the fuck
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
