im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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