Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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