please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
