Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He felt like a one man threesome
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
