90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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