Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
