im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
