that's an acceptable place to lick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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