maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
