Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
