i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
