you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
