Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
