just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
