I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
