took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
