My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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