We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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